MY DAUGHTER HAS AUTISM AND IT’S NOT IN THIS SEASON!
My daughter has autism and it’s not in this season, sounds terrible doesn’t it?
So here’s the deal, this summer I thought it finally was my time, I thought it was finally my turn to put my dreams and passion on the priority list and I actually thought I was done helping my husband with his business and it appeared like my daughters were doing well, they’re growing, becoming more independent and it seem like everything was running smoothly. I started to post videos on my YouTube channel and taking more pictures of outfits and styling ideas and I just really wanted to inspire women. I wanted to have a connection with my audience and grow my followers on Instagram and grow my email list, but something happened and it placed me at the end of the priority list once again. My youngest daughter who was finally diagnosed with autism this summer, started to have meltdowns again and the behavior started to make the days very difficult, the meltdowns would disrupt her class in school and again my attention and my time had to be 100% all about her and with that comes being an advocate for her educational rights, researching, finding treatment and so it left me feeling torn, not knowing what to do. I stopped taking pictures for my Instagram feed, I didn’t know what to write about in my blog or emails, all I was doing was researching IEP’S, ABA, attending social groups with her.
I stopped posting on my blog and obviously I couldn’t send out any e-mails because I had nothing! I felt sad, depressed, I felt like it is never going to be my time, if it’s not one thing it’s another problem. I always end up giving my attention, time and efforts to my children and my husband as it should be right? But the truth is it kills me inside and it’s even made me bitter and on top of that I felt guilty for feeling the way I did. Bitter because I thought that life could be easy, that you could have it all if you wanted it, but I couldn’t have it all. I couldn’t balance life, I couldn’t give 100% to every area of my life and I felt like I was stuck not moving forward or back, just there, still.
Now I know that it will never be the right time for me to put my dreams and career on the top of the priority list. It’s like when I asked myself if I was ready for a baby. Uh, hello? I was never ready for a baby, I wanted one, but that is completely different than being prepared. Like being prepared for the numerous times I wanted to rip my hair out because all I wanted to do was sleep, but my child wouldn’t stop crying because she had gas or what about the time I cried in the parking lot with my infant because she wouldn’t stop crying in the car (she hated the carseat) I had to go somewhere, I had to be somewhere and I couldn’t even drive less than a mile with all the crying she was doing in the car. I guess what I’m saying is that my passion for styling and fashion is my baby and I might not ever be ready for it because life comes at you with different situations and trials and you just have to go along with it, so here I am going along with it. I’m not going to turn my blog or business into another mommy blog who advocates for her child’s disability, gives you ideas for dinner or tell you about my day, but I believe that what’s happening in my life goes hand-in-hand with my styling business. I am a real woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and I have issues, I also feel bloated and fat at times, I have problems, and of course I also have that one fabulous week when I feel skinny because I ran or walked and I strut my stuff and all of this ties into what I feel like wearing and what I actually have time to wear. I want to keep it real and simple just like that.
Today, I’m sharing a few pictures of me working with my kids at my side, because I couldn’t find anyone to babysit and had to get the pictures done. Real life. Real talk. Keep doing what you love, don’t fight the waves just ride ’em.
Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys.
www.autismspeaks.org for more info.
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